Tonight was my first in a ten-week series of classes on Buddhism. It was kind of exhausting.
To be fair, the exhausting part was not the Buddhist part. The exhausting part was scrambling like mad to get there from my house in Mill Valley during rush hour traffic while simultaneously trying to coordinate to meet up with my "Dharma partner" (and perpetually harried BFF) Bria.
When I finally arrived and launched into our first meditation sit, I realized how anxiety-tired I was. (My acupuncturist would call this a qi deficiency and hook me up to the E-stem, stat. For those who haven't had the pleasure of being hooked up to an E-stem, it's a nifty little gadget that gives you tiny little electrical jolts along your meridians, not unlike electroshock therapy, which Younger Me was always very curious about thanks to my early obsession with Sylvia Plath.)
In Buddhism, there are Five Hindrances to Meditation.
Different schools of Buddhist thought call them by different names, but they are all essentially the same. I like these descriptions, personally, for their dramatic flair:
1. Sensory Desire
2. Ill Will
3. Sloth and Torpor
4. Restlessness and Remorse
5. Doubt
I'm usually a big fan of Doubt in my very loosely defined meditation practice. However, tonight was all about the Sloth and Torpor. The moment I sat still and closed my eyes, it was all I could do not to slump over and pass out. The dirty, heavily-trafficked carpet of a budget meditation center has never looked so inviting and cozy. It was like severe and utter torture to keep myself in an upright position for the twenty minutes that lasted a hundred years.
But, I did it. I stayed upright. And now I'm a Buddhist. So I have that going for me.
Incidentally, how cute is it that they lump together Restlessness and Remorse? Like, if you're bored and antsy, chances are you're also full of regret?
