I just finished up 3 straight months of a fascist eating program courtesy of my insightful and talented acupuncturist, I went cold turkey off coffee and tea, sugar, alcohol, gluten, dairy, vinegar, soy, potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers. Among other things. I also took Chinese herbs three times a day for three months, swallowed a handful of acidophilus pills every morning, got needles stuck up in me weekly, did yoga regularly (yup), started hiking more, journaled every day, and just generally took immaculate and spectacular care of myself.
Now that I am wrapping up this program, people in my life are asking me how I feel. “You must feel amazing,” they say.
The truth is, I don’t feel that much more amazing than I did before — which was far from amazing. (What is the opposite of “amazing”?) My size 6 jeans still don’t fit by a long shot; I still get a stomachache every single time I get anxious (which is always); yoga still feels like torture; I still can’t walk straight up a hill without getting winded and really irritable. I still need 10 hours of sleep a night and feel like I have the flu if I don’t get it. I still get nasty PMS and I still feel mildly congested and sinusy most of the time.
On the other hand, I did learn some things about myself:
- I am not lactose intolerant (huge relief, as cheese is basically the only thing I live for).
- I feel like a better person without alcohol in my life.
- I like the way coffee smells far better than the way it makes my stomach feel.
- I have insane self-control and determination.
- I basically rock.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get a coffee milkshake.
Thank you.
