Cirque du Malaise

My new philosophy: This is Happening.

I love this excerpt from Pema Chodron's writings (slightly truncated for relevance):

"The difference between theism and nontheism is not whether one does or does not believe in God.

Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there's some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there's always going to be a babysitter available when we need one.

We all are inclined to abdicate our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves.

Nontheism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves. We sometimes think that dharma is something outside of ourselves—something to believe in, something to measure up to. However, dharma isn't a belief; it isn't a dogma. It is total appreciation of impermanence and change. The teachings disintegrate when we try to grasp them. We have to experience them without hope. Many brave and compassionate people have experienced them and taught them.

The message is fearless; dharma was never meant to be a belief that we blindly follow. Dharma gives us nothing to hold on to at all.

Nontheism is finally realizing that there's no baby sitter that you can count on. You just get a good one and then he or she is gone. Nontheism is realizing that it's not just babysitters that come and go. The whole of life is like that. This is the truth, and the truth is inconvenient.

For those who want something to hold on to, life is even more inconvenient. From this point of view, theism is an addiction. We're all addicted to hope—hope that the doubt and mystery will go away. This addiction has a painful effect on society: a society based on lots of people addicted to getting ground under their feet is not a very compassionate place."

Pema rocks.

The Buddhist concept of shenpa is a big one for me lately. It's a Tibetan term that literally means "attachment" - a big theme in Buddhism. But this particular word has more nuanced connotations.

My personal verbal and spiritual hero, Pema Chodron, says that shenpa is "the hook of craving that keeps us mired in the prison of our own attachment. Or, to put it another way, it's the itch that we can't help but scratching."

I've been writing articles for clients lately about how shenpa relates to our addictions and the things we crave: food, sugar, alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, drugs, whatever. We all have our own special thing. I certainly have mine. But for me, those kind of attachments come and go. I can be really into red wine for a while, and then cut it out for months and not even miss it.

More dire for me is the subtle mental attachment to my hopes and dreams. And that kind of rigid fixation can be just as debilitating as a substance abuse problem or an eating disorder. The older I get, the more frantic and clingy I get about what I view as my own personal dharma in life.... and not shockingly, the less it actually transpires.

Now here's the catch. You ready? It's not about shooing shenpa out of your life and trying to avoid it. Cuz guess what? That's aversion. Whoopsie, just as bad!

And to some degree, shenpa—the attachment to things that please us, the craving for situations to be a certain way—can be motivating and keep us anchored in our real lives. It's not about becoming a sadhu and sitting on a mountain somewhere for the rest of eternity.

But not, on the other hand, like that toxic ex boyfriend you need to get out of your life. That's not healthy. And when your shenpa starts to act like a toxic ex boyfriend, well, then it's time to kick it to the curb.

Sayonara, "shenpa".

RECENT ARTICLES I WROTE ABOUT SHENPA

examiner.com:

Shenpa, attachment and craving... the lessons they teach us

Eating healthfully and avoiding shenpa

Suite 101: Eating healthfully and avoiding shenpa during your job search

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An eloquent essay about Shenpa by Pema Chodron